you wish

You have no idea who you are. Honestly, even though no one will read this, if by chance you do, it doesn't matter who you are, because you have no idea who you are. That is simply true for everyone. Everyday we may single out someone as being a poser, a faker, or something along those lines, but we fail to recognize we are the exact same. There is no you, there is no me. Nozick was wrong, there aren't only individual people leading individual lives. We are a collective existence, like ants. The worst part is, like ants, we don't even realize it. Worse than the ants' situation, though, is that we have the potential to recognize it, but we don't; at least ants resort to their lifestyle because they theoretically have no other choice. We conform so much. We respect too much. We submit to everything. We fall at the feet of an authority figure for no reason other than they are an authority figure. We don't respect abilities anymore, we respect positions. We don't respect actions anymore, we respect figureheads. I'm supposed to believe that everything a teacher tells me is true because they are the teacher. I'm supposed to do whatever an adult says because I'm a high school student. All of a sudden, you just lost respect for me and thought that I'm just ranting because I'm mad at something at school and that I have no idea what I'm talking about because I'm just a dumb piece of shit high school student. Maybe your thought process uses cleaner language, but I'm pretty sure I got close even if not verbatim. That just proves my point. Your sudden loss of respect because of my status in society as a young person still learning suddenly devalues what I say. Hopefully my recognition of that thought process will lead you to thinking deeper and understanding more, your first step leaving the fantasy. So what now? Do I continue to conform? Do we continue to conform?

Let me put it in broader terms:

Who is the evil one, God or Satan? (For clarity, I am referring to the Christian religion.) Well let's think about it. Does God demand that we love (I'll use "it" to refer to God since God is not very explicit about gender...) it? Yes, because the alternative is a supposed damnation to the pits of hell. Sure, you can say that God is not a cosmic rapist, we have a choice, but let's look at that choice: love God or burn in hell... how's your choice looking? Now let's look at Satan: Does Satan demand that we love (I'll use "him" for Satan because while we may have seen Satan as woman in some media, he's pretty clearly described as former male angel Lucifer... of course, assuming angels have a gender...) him? Well, no actually, his demon recruits followed him by choice. Satan simply had the audacity to wonder, "what if I don't want to love God? What if I WANT to be different?" God is the tyrant that created life then demanded respect from it. Shoud we be grateful for the creation? sure, why not, but at the same time, do we HAVE to love God because God is God? Why should we be forced? Most people reading this would probably agree that the child of an abusive parent has a legitimate reason to not love their parent. When God creates us, then targets us with disasters (inaction being close to, if not, as much a sin as action) can we really accept the demand to love it? Well, of course we CAN, but we don't have to. Many people cling to those that abuse them out of some bizarre love. Understandable to an extent, but at the same time, confusing, illogical, unreasonable. Yet we do it every day. Satan is Robin Hood. The criminal that fights for justice. Because going against a tyrant's law is illegal, but just.

Yet, all the time, we conform. We accept a rule that ought not exist because it is a rule, a law because it is a law, in matters big and small, but who is to determine gravity of specific issues? Yeah, that question is our justification for our continued blinding of our meaningful existences, destruction of our beings. But without that authority, how can we determine if something is good? Yet we don't even realize when we go too far with that tyranny. Fuck it. I know I'm a product of it. I went to preschool. I went to a fucking private catholic elementary school. I go to a fucking catholic high school, all boy to boot! I'm probably going to go to a private college, maybe even catholic there too! I know, this makes me a fucking hypocrite. I hate hypocrites, they're the worst, and I fall to being one myself. I'm not writing this for myself though. I don't know how to break away from society. I try, everything except physically pulling myself out (partially true, I tried leaving once, but I knew that I couldn't support myself, it's because we value our physical selves over our intellectual, spiritual, emotional, or psychological selves... sadly). I'm writing this with the hope that someone gets this. That we can truly leave the box. Maybe you, the reader, can find the way to free yourself from conformity. Is it possible? I hope so. I hope that I can experience freedom before I die. Right now though, I'm writing a letter apologizing for certain actions... then I have to finish some homework and study for a test. I have to fall back in line. I hope you don't have to do the same.

I'm an optimist, I try to see the best in things. Good luck on your journey to the real.