you wish

You have no idea who you are. Honestly, even though no one will read this, if by chance you do, it doesn't matter who you are, because you have no idea who you are. That is simply true for everyone. Everyday we may single out someone as being a poser, a faker, or something along those lines, but we fail to recognize we are the exact same. There is no you, there is no me. Nozick was wrong, there aren't only individual people leading individual lives. We are a collective existence, like ants. The worst part is, like ants, we don't even realize it. Worse than the ants' situation, though, is that we have the potential to recognize it, but we don't; at least ants resort to their lifestyle because they theoretically have no other choice. We conform so much. We respect too much. We submit to everything. We fall at the feet of an authority figure for no reason other than they are an authority figure. We don't respect abilities anymore, we respect positions. We don't respect actions anymore, we respect figureheads. I'm supposed to believe that everything a teacher tells me is true because they are the teacher. I'm supposed to do whatever an adult says because I'm a high school student. All of a sudden, you just lost respect for me and thought that I'm just ranting because I'm mad at something at school and that I have no idea what I'm talking about because I'm just a dumb piece of shit high school student. Maybe your thought process uses cleaner language, but I'm pretty sure I got close even if not verbatim. That just proves my point. Your sudden loss of respect because of my status in society as a young person still learning suddenly devalues what I say. Hopefully my recognition of that thought process will lead you to thinking deeper and understanding more, your first step leaving the fantasy. So what now? Do I continue to conform? Do we continue to conform?

Let me put it in broader terms:

Who is the evil one, God or Satan? (For clarity, I am referring to the Christian religion.) Well let's think about it. Does God demand that we love (I'll use "it" to refer to God since God is not very explicit about gender...) it? Yes, because the alternative is a supposed damnation to the pits of hell. Sure, you can say that God is not a cosmic rapist, we have a choice, but let's look at that choice: love God or burn in hell... how's your choice looking? Now let's look at Satan: Does Satan demand that we love (I'll use "him" for Satan because while we may have seen Satan as woman in some media, he's pretty clearly described as former male angel Lucifer... of course, assuming angels have a gender...) him? Well, no actually, his demon recruits followed him by choice. Satan simply had the audacity to wonder, "what if I don't want to love God? What if I WANT to be different?" God is the tyrant that created life then demanded respect from it. Shoud we be grateful for the creation? sure, why not, but at the same time, do we HAVE to love God because God is God? Why should we be forced? Most people reading this would probably agree that the child of an abusive parent has a legitimate reason to not love their parent. When God creates us, then targets us with disasters (inaction being close to, if not, as much a sin as action) can we really accept the demand to love it? Well, of course we CAN, but we don't have to. Many people cling to those that abuse them out of some bizarre love. Understandable to an extent, but at the same time, confusing, illogical, unreasonable. Yet we do it every day. Satan is Robin Hood. The criminal that fights for justice. Because going against a tyrant's law is illegal, but just.

Yet, all the time, we conform. We accept a rule that ought not exist because it is a rule, a law because it is a law, in matters big and small, but who is to determine gravity of specific issues? Yeah, that question is our justification for our continued blinding of our meaningful existences, destruction of our beings. But without that authority, how can we determine if something is good? Yet we don't even realize when we go too far with that tyranny. Fuck it. I know I'm a product of it. I went to preschool. I went to a fucking private catholic elementary school. I go to a fucking catholic high school, all boy to boot! I'm probably going to go to a private college, maybe even catholic there too! I know, this makes me a fucking hypocrite. I hate hypocrites, they're the worst, and I fall to being one myself. I'm not writing this for myself though. I don't know how to break away from society. I try, everything except physically pulling myself out (partially true, I tried leaving once, but I knew that I couldn't support myself, it's because we value our physical selves over our intellectual, spiritual, emotional, or psychological selves... sadly). I'm writing this with the hope that someone gets this. That we can truly leave the box. Maybe you, the reader, can find the way to free yourself from conformity. Is it possible? I hope so. I hope that I can experience freedom before I die. Right now though, I'm writing a letter apologizing for certain actions... then I have to finish some homework and study for a test. I have to fall back in line. I hope you don't have to do the same.

I'm an optimist, I try to see the best in things. Good luck on your journey to the real.

Homework

This is an email I got from my dad. I'll be adding some of my own thoughts on it in a bit.

Some schools are cutting back on homework

When is homework just busywork? Weighing stress against learning, some districts are cutting back on academic work outside the classroom.

By Seema Mehta
March 22, 2009

Rachel Bennett, 12, loves playing soccer, spending time with her grandparents and making jewelry with beads. But since she entered a magnet middle school in the fall -- and began receiving two to four hours of homework a night -- those activities have fallen by the wayside.

"She's only a kid for so long," said her father, Alex Bennett, of Silverado Canyon. "There's been tears and frustration and family arguments. Everyone gets burned out and tired."

Bennett is part of a vocal movement of parents and educators who contend that homework overload is robbing children of needed sleep and playtime, chipping into family dinners and vacations and overly stressing young minds. The objections have been raised for years but increasingly, school districts are listening. They are banning busywork, setting time limits on homework and barring it on weekends and over vacations.

"Groups of parents are going to schools and saying, 'Get real. We want our kids to have a life,' " said Cathy Vatterott, an associate education professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who has studied the issue.

Trustees in Danville, Calif., eliminated homework on weekends and vacations last year. Palo Alto officials banned it over winter break. Officials in Orange, where Rachel Bennett attends school, are reminding teachers about limits on homework and urging them not to assign it on weekends. A private school in Hollywood has done away with book reports.

"As adults, if every book we ever read, we had to write a report on -- would that encourage our reading or discourage it?" asked Eileen Horowitz, head of school at Temple Israel of Hollywood Day School. "We realized we needed to rethink that."

Nancy Ortenberg is happy about the change.

"Homework is much more meaningful now," said Ortenberg, whose daughter Isabelle, 9, was in school before the policy took effect in 2007. Before the change, it was a chore for her daughter, but "now she reads for the pure joy of reading."

Homework was once hugely controversial. In the late 1800s and early 1900s, social commentators and physicians crusaded against it, convinced it was causing children to become wan, weak and nervous.

In a 1900 article titled "A National Crime at the Feet of American Parents" in the Ladies' Home Journal, editor Edward Bok wrote, "When are parents going to open their eyes to this fearful evil? Are they as blind as bats, that they do not see what is being wrought by this crowning folly of night study?"

California was at the vanguard of the anti-homework movement. In 1901, the California Legislature banned it for students under 15 and ordered high schools to limit it for older students to 20 recitations a week. The law was taken off the books in 1917.

Homework has fallen in and out of favor ever since, often viewed as a force for good when the nation feels threatened -- after the Soviets launched Sputnik in 1957, for example, and during competition with Japan in the 1980s.

The homework wars have reignited in recent years, with parents around the nation arguing that children are being given too much.

Much of the debate is driven by the belief that today's students are doing more work at home than their predecessors. But student surveys do not bear that out, said Brian Gill, a senior social scientist with Mathematica Policy Research.

Instead, in today's increasingly competitive race for college admission, student schedules are increasingly packed with clubs, sports and other activities in addition to homework, Gill said. Students -- and parents -- may just have less time, he said.

Not all object, however.

"Obviously we want to think it's busywork, but most of the time it's really helpful," said Allison Hall, 16, a junior at Villa Park High in the Orange district. Allison, who is taking five Advanced Placement classes, has up to three hours of homework a night; she also is on the cross country, track and mock trial teams and does volunteer work.

But others say there is just too much, especially for younger children. Karen Adnams of Villa Park has four children. She said that heavier course loads make sense for older children but that she doesn't understand the amount of work given in lower grades.

"I think teachers have lost touch with what a third-grader or a fifth-grader can really do," she said.

Vatterott, a former principal, said she became interested in the subject a decade ago as a frustrated parent. Her son, who has a learning disability, was upset by assignments he didn't understand and couldn't complete in a reasonable time.

She decided to study the effectiveness of homework. That research showed that more time spent on such work was not necessarily better.

Vatterott questioned the quantity and the quality of assignments. If 10 math problems could demonstrate a child's grasp of a concept, why assign 50, she asked? The solution, she said, was not to do away with homework but to clarify the reasons for assigning it.

Some schools, among them Grant Elementary in Glenrock, Wyo., have gone further. Principal Christine Hendricks had grown concerned that students were spending too much time on busywork and that homework was causing conflicts between parents and children and between teachers and students. So she got rid of it last year except for reading and studying for tests.

"My philosophy, even when I was a teacher, is if you work hard during the day, I don't like to work at night. Kids are kind of the same way," she said.

Other districts, including San Ramon Valley Unified in Danville, Calif., have taken a more nuanced approach.

Since San Ramon revised its homework policy last year, the youngest students are given no more than 30 minutes a night; high school students have up to three hours of work. District trustees also decided that aside from reading, no homework should be given to elementary and middle school students on weekends or vacations.

In the Orange Unified School District, trustee John Ortega grew concerned about the workload carried by his middle school daughter. "We would have a swim meet all weekend, and she would be worried about coming home and having to finish homework," he said. "She was stressed about it."

After speaking with other parents, Ortega raised the subject publicly in the fall, prompting a series of discussions in the district. It turned out that although the board had set limits on homework, they were not always followed, said Marsha Brown, assistant superintendent of educational services. She said teachers have now been informed about the policy and principals are working to clarify the purpose of homework.

Brown said children's social growth must be nurtured alongside their academic development. "We don't want just academic children. We want them involved in sports and music and art and family time and downtime," she said. "We want well-rounded citizens. I think we will always be struggling with that balance."

International Sai Moe League 2009

So, I know that pretty much no one reads this, but I figure I need all the help I can get these next few months, so the off chance that you'll do what I ask is of great help!

The International Sai Moe League is a league dedicated to determining the most moe character in anime. what is moe? Pronounced mo'ay. It's like a profound respect for an extremely cute character.

So, how can you help? Well, it just so happens that I'm a fan of the extremely moe character Ibuki Fūko from the shows Clannad and Clannad: After Story. She is a contestant in this competition. You can help by voting for her during each round! (Note: you have to make a total of 8 votes for each round, so other cool characters to vote for would be Evangeline McDowell, Anya Alstreim, Nagato Yuki, Suzumiya Haruhi, Aisaka Taiga, Louise Vallière, Sunohara Mei, Tōsaka Rin, Kōzuki Kallen, Saber, C.C., Sakagami Tomoyo, or Asahina Mikuru. If there is a conflict in the above list, remember that Ibuki Fūko comes first no matter what, and otherwise, you can see their pictures on the voting page, so you can decide for yourself who you think is cuter!) Also, you may want to look at the other contestants, I don't know all of them, and you may find someone you like or find interesting!

Where do you vote? right here: http://www.internationalsaimoe.com/voting/

Remember, vote for Ibuki Fūko. If you need a little more convincing, search some fan vids on youtube, or watch the tv shows yourself! Clannad comes before After Story (kinda obvious, but figured I'd say it just in case) After the first 9 episodes of Clannad, you'll understand why she is such a lovable character, and you just might want to help her during the entire Sai Moe tournament!

Thanks for your support, it means a lot to me!

Vote for Fuko!!

MAL Post again, b/c I'm bored, and some more stuff?

So I'm noticing now that MAL has gotten HUGE. I remember (and gosh, I sound sooo old because I don't think I've even been on MAL for a year... yeah I know, would that be considered Irony? I digress...) when the largest clubs had just reached 1000 members. Now we've got clubs well over 1000 and not even in the top ten? When did this happen?? how did this happen? Well yeah, simple answer, more people joined MAL. I'm not complaining, just commenting. Although I do feel a little outta the loop because this kinda just sprung up on me. I guess that's my fault for not being as active as I could be... On to more important issues: I'm now 8 for 8 on colleges (I only applied to 8). yay me! now it's time for the hardest part: making a decision. I've gotten scholarships from some, but not all. I still need to visit a few... it'll be an interesting month coming up. hopefully for the better.

Also, I thank Jackson for sending me that one Silversun pick ups song. I didn't like it at first, but it's really grown on me, and now it's just friggin awesome! I must listen to them more... Right now though, I'm going through random Justice youtube vids. another awesome band. Justice = amazing, no other way to put it.

On the college front: I'm 8 for 8. yay me! now I have to decide where I'm going... no pressure haha!

A friend and I want to make a Hydro Thunder movie. It's going to be epic. details as they come.

I qualled to state in impromptu for speech and debate. I kinda didn't want to, but I did... whatevs.

I just received an email telling me that the assignment that my econ teacher had accidentally made due tomorrow at 11 am he moved to 11 pm. thank you.

I just made the connection that I'm using the same email address for this as the one I gave most colleges, so if you happen to be from a college and reading this, I'm having a tough time making my decision because so many schools seem to want me. give me a full ride and that will make the decision making much easier :D well, it's worth the try anyway...

I'm hopefully having a practice with a band that just formed a few weeks ago. It'll be cool, a kind of soft rock jazz fusion. I dig it. We're gonna be pretty good for the next few months we get the chance to play / record.

a lot of these thoughts are coming to me as I write them. I'm taking short breaks between writing to click on the next vid on youtube. playlist is much better for music listening, but I'm gonna stick with youtube for the heck of it.

school's fine I guess.

I'm tired, I should probably go to sleep. I will in a little bit.

I read a bunch of fmylife.com makes for very good times. hilarity ensued, I was entertained.

I think my break from life has ended and I need to step back into reality for a little bit. see ya there!

Am I on the list?

"Viva la libertad -- A Friend."